3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
