his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
