I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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