So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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