this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
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I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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