Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
