i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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