I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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