That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
