The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
