no, he came in my armpit
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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