just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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