Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
