What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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