Fine. I'll sleep in my office
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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