Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
