carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
