what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
