one two three fourrrrnication!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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