you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
