Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
