On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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