xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
