We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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