i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
