I wish i was in the wii world.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
