i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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