party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
