Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
