It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The uberlube is also flammable
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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