Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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