can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
