MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize