I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
