apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She's the barista slut.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
