like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
