Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
