My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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