I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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