Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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