Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
