Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
