I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
