how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
