Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
