mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
my being single is dangerous.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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