Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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