Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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