when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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