i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
