Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
