you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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