I am puke
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
