Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
