I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
