Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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