You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
