Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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