Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
