I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
