I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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