If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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