if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
