Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
