Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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