why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
