Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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