shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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