I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
