Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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