all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
