hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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