girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
