In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
