His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
