I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
