on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
