That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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