all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
