Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
is that a dick in a sweater?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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