Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
