My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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